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man - 23 jaar, Beveren - Waas, België
Blog 32
Ik klets ier neer wadak paas over vanalles kendet. Ge meugt da ies lezen en ies pazen awa.. alle, peace..
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Gigabyte HD4870X2 te koop!
Hoi, ik verkoop mijn huidige grafische kaart omdat ik nog een modelletje hoger ga.. kaart is in perfecte staat.
Prijs start op 210€...
(650W voeding krijg je erbij) -
conclusion
yesterday I came to a strange conclusion:
"At night I'm afraid of what I don't see"
"In the daytime i'm afraid of what I see"
I still like the night better than daytime though.. It's soothing and has it's charme. More romantic me thinks, since a nice sunset is out of the question around these parts... buildings everywhere.. yuck..
Days pass by as I'm starting to wonder what direction I'm going with my life. Time flies by so fast... I wait for certain periods of time to happen. And when they're almost there it seems like there was almost no time between the waiting and the occasion. That thought kinda frightened me.. 'Cause today I could be 22... but in no time I'll be 50 and I've wasted my entire life...
You know how they say: "Time flies when you're havin' fun!"... Well... if I already think time's going rather fast, then I must be having fun in a way. Which is weird 'cause I always feel kinda miserable... So for time to go slow on my end... I think i should be severely depressed or something.
ahhh.. life's un-answerable questions... how they suck ^^ -
The one
How do you know when you've met "The one".. Do you constantly think of her? What if she's unreachable.. What if you pay a price that's inhuman to yourself, but still it seems worth it.
And then there's the dreams that haunt you.. Where she says you'll win her over... but the second you wake up, you know it's all fake. That's when the pain kicks in. And the worst thing is knowing what it's like to have had her and to have lost her.
I doubt my life right now. The relationship i'm in. The things i do.. It never seems like anything still really satisfies me.
Ok, i've got some text written on my cellphone and i really think i should post it.. i type messages on it when i really need it.. they have no date or time or whatever.. so here it goes:
What am I? What is my purpose? Should I just live and obey society? Make no difference like so many?
I wonder what my capabilities are... Everyone must have at least one thing they're good at. Is it my emotion that gets in the way, or even worse... Do i let it control me? I guess it's too late to turn to a heart of stone. I'm not even sure if it is... Emotion is what makes me a good person right!? RIGHT!?... No answer...
Emotion makes me weak. It strikes fear into my heart. Fear prohibits me from doing stuff. A blade with different edge sides: a) a sharp one,
a rusty one, that can't cut. I keep hitting life with the "b" side of my blade. You could in fact compare the rust to the fear. the fear prevents that side of my blade from being sharp. How do i sharpen it?... Who is my sharpening tool? Is he/she out there??? Figuring this thing out makes me scared. It seems i'm predestined to fail. I know people tell me I only see the negative side of life, and it's THAT that makes me the way I am. I say it's horseshit... Whenever the two factors luck or happiness seem to prevail, a big cloud of negative thunder strikes me. It's been like this each time... And of corse then i have nowhere to turn. No-one understands... is thre such a thing as bad karma? Maybe so... Or was i cursed. Sometimes I think I am... Sometimes I don't even know if any of what i see is real. It could as well be a part of my imagination... I mean, is the body I have the way i see it? Are the people around me the way i see them? Or are they other creatures? Do they even exist, I don't think any of these questions are healthy... And then again sometimes i think i'm somewhere at the edge of a plot where i'll find out what everything really is.
I think i finally figured out why i'm always trying to be so different. It's because i don't like what i see. Nothing feels right or suits me when i try to blend in somewhere... But when i'm myself, I feel okay. I can't be what people expect me to be, and i refuse it cause it doesn't feel right. Look at them. All contributing to society, and though it's rotten no-one seems to stand up and change something. Afraid of being themselves because then they would be cast out and reffered to as what society calls "weird" or "out of the ordinary". "not acceptable" if you will... So what i understand is that being who you truly are is "intolerable behaviour"? *yawn* I'm gonna hit the sack now, it's getting late. guess tomorrow will be another day of not trying to be society's bitch.
The there's the all time favorite. Jaegermeister... It doesn't actually keep negative thoughts out, but it makes me care less. There's something in this beverage that sooths me and calms me down. And it's not nescesarily the alcohol. Praying towards a better tomorrow, a never ending story...
Ok, jaegermeister is no longer the all time favorite. Now it's just plain old beer. It's been a while since i've written stuff... On another cellphone yeh.. But that one crashed... Ok, now... I found out why i see things differently for sure, no more hypothesis or any kind of presuming... I've had myself tested about 2 months ago, concerning those fears and all. Turns out i have autism. This explains a lot... I'm starting to see some things more clear now, though the world is still mostly a big questionmark. And it always will be. I'm supposed to be @ some kind of councelor tomorrow. I wonder what she's like. I hope she's hot. Don't get me wrong, I just find it easier to get along with good looking women. Men always kind of frighten me.
I can't sleep.. Thinking about my amp... it's still @ l.o. somewhere... Fuck it, turnin' in anyway.. Gn i guess..
Ok, went to the councelor chick about a week ago. She wasn't hot or anything, but at least she was kind of friendly.. I'm sitting here all alone right now. On a bench in my neighbourhood. I like how quiet the night is. It gives me space to think.. Unleash my trail of thoughts. Someone's out here... It kinda freaks me out cuz i hear footsteps that disappeared behind me. Turns out it was just a guy walking his dog.. I was kinda hoping it would be a young woman my age. I phantasised her coming over and sit next to me, asking why i was here and explaining how the night soothed her and how she wanted someone to talk to her like i did. I already said that men scare me sometimes. That's why i want it to be a woman.. Because no matter what, they're alwas more considerate in a way... I've got my beer standing next to me.. And i'm still dreaming. Hoping on luck.. And a better tomorrow.
Lying in bed over at my gf's place and I'm getting agitated. I'm afraid that one of these days I'll no longer be able to contain myself and go mental for a short period of time. I just want everyone to leave me alone at times. I'm starting to get a little depressed... Hating everything more and more each minute. It's horrid you know.. Having to wake up to a place you hate the second you open your eyes in the morning. Each day again and again. The same shit.. Actually the days that are the same ain't that bad.. It's the different ones that i hate the most. I can't sleep. I don't feel at ease... not even the least bit..
Ok, it's been a while again... As always.. I just had cebir tests. Had to do them to see if i'm fit for a software-testing job. I kind of fear for square one again...
Turns out my fear is justified... Here we are, square one. Fuckin' assholes. I failed the personality tests. Don't really get how cause i have the standard "autism spectrum" shit filled out, nothing out of the ordinary... *sigh* anyway... I'm at a village in the belgian ardens called "Tellin".. I've been here for a week with some family. It's storming right now, so i can't sleep and it's 5.15am right now, so that kinda sucks... Got this roof window which the rain splatters against.. Pretty fuckin' annoying.. Gotta get up to go h ome in a few hours.. Gonna try to sleep a little anyway...
So yeah, that's what i have on my cellphone so far.. stuff i read over and over.. and add some things every now and then..
Ok, so it's saturday.. I could go out tonight, but I guess iI need a little peace and quiet, so i've decided not to get loaded once again to escape the sharp pain of reality that knocks me down every now and then. Going over to my granny's because i haven't been there for a while and yeah, well.. they're old so any god given time they still have on this planet should be cherished I guess. That and I love my grandfather a great deal... that old timer ^^..
I haven't been doing so great lately. I get agitated by my loved ones. Sometimes I wanna tell them to just STFU and mind their own damn bussiness instead of butlin' in the whole damn time... I need my breathing space at the moment, and lots of it... That and I'm still seeking some kind of companionship with the female breed that i haven't found yet... And it's getting harder and harder to cope with being without it. You maybe wouldn't say it at first, but i'm kind of a big cuddlybear when it comes to women ^^. There's nothing i'd like more then a great big hug at times -and a good one might i add. not one of those everyday hugs you give people, because those are cold as fuck.. -
I've
I've tried to make it work..
But now i'm the jerk..
Wish i didn't hurt you like i did
There is no other way.. so this is it...
I wish you well and hope to be your friend
Hope it plays out well in the end.
I can't give you what you desire
I feel no passion, no burning fire..
I hope one day you'll understand..
I've triend to explain.. but i just can't...
X -
Breaks
I don't wanna be another asshole that breaks a heart
And make everything fall apart
So tell me when you feel it's not true
What are you supposed to do?
Everyone looks at you in dispise
Thinking of those other millions of motherfucking guys...
You cross your heart and hope to die
As you kiss your love goodbye..
Will i ever find the strength?
Or will this feeling just add length... -
Fallout 3 (FR) UNREGISTERED
Algemeen
Titel: Fallout 3 (FR)
Beschrijving: Fallout 3 (Franse versie)Gekocht op 09/11/2008 Splinternieuw (3x beschikbaar)
Prijs: € 30,00 Plaats een afslagzoekertje
Extra info: Ik heb deze versie gekocht op de NEXT beurs in Brussel maar was pas thuis tot de constatatie gekomen dat dit een franse versie was. De cd key is nog niet geregistreerd op WindowsLive. Dus de game is splinternieuw en in perfecte staat. Gekocht op 09/11/2008
Contactgegevens:
E-mailadres: Foor.Von.Aug@gmail.com
Postcode: 9120 -
Electro Gypsy ^^
Here he is the electro gypsy
In his caravan
It's the future man
See him play a tune upon his Yamaha
A guitar won't do
They are too old skool
Watch him going door to door
Selling Pegs and lucky heather
Dropping fine electric beats
Wearing trousers made of leather
Yama Yamaha
Yama Yamaha
Yama Yamaha
Moog and a Casio
Here he is the electro gypsy
He stands motionless
While he drops a melody
Plays future music long into the night
Till his fingers bleed
Well that's alright
Watch him going door to door
Selling Pegs and lucky heather
Dropping fine electric beats
Wearing trousers made of leather
Yama Yamaha
Yama Yamaha
Yama Yamaha
Moog and a Casio
Yamaha
Yamaha
Yamaha
Yamaha
There he goes the Electro Gypsy
Everywhere he goes
He needs to take a generator
Power is not
What he craves my friend
It's just the means to
His electro end -
GRR.. I don't forget
I'm not gonna lie to you..
I hate you for what you've done.
People just don't do that shit.. Not even if they have a heart of stone.
At least that's what u made me believe... Or what i've tried to believe.
I hope u come to ur senses and think about what you've done..
People who know me well enough know what i'm talkin' about... and definatly YOU (the person who i'm talkin about) if you read this..
Sincerely,
Your Scapegoat... -
???
Cowboys from hell solo BEST???
Edde gulle FLOODS WEL AL IES GEHOORD???
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Wasp - Wild Child
ride, I ride the winds that bring the rain
A creature of love and I can't be tamed
I want you, cause I'm gonna take your love from him
And I'll touch your face and hot burning skin
No, he'll never ever touch you like I do
So look in my eyes and burn alive the truth
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
'Cause I want what you do
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
'Cause I want what you do
I want you
Tell me, tell me the lies you're telling him when you
Run away 'cause I wanna know
Cause I, I'm sure it's killing him to find
That you run to me when he lets you go
'Cause I'm burning, burning, burning up with fire
So - come turn me on and turn the flames up higher
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
Cause I want what you do
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
Cause I want what you do
I want you
A naked heat machine, I want your love
When the moons arise we'll feel just what it does
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
'Cause I want what you do
I'm a wild child, come and love me
I want you
My heart's in exile I need you to touch me
'Cause I want what you do
I want you
