Blog van Zoë UNDEAD

To my love,

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:10:43 UT

This is for all the girls and even boys out there that have been in this kind of situation before.
Honestly I haven't but y'know I'm open to talk about any topics and learn more about them.
Now this one came to mind. It's about a girl that finally realises this isn't the way.
I know that it could be switched around and that it's the guy that could be te victim.
Don't worry this ones for you too (:

To my love,

The way you beat me
and god the way you treat me
I simply know you are the one
you never let me out, desperate to have fun
It's all for my own good
At least that's your honest truth
The movements of your very own fists
Make me feel like slitting my wrists
No baby I'm not that ignorant
To me you where significant
Yet beating me up as a sign of love
That's some habit you have to get rid of
Yes I'm stepping up for myself
And more important my mental health
Of all the times I went and left
This is the time I won't come back
Cal me retarted, call me a whore
Darling you've said those once before
I have more people having my back
For once it's my time to attack
Therefor I'd like you to know
That once you'll come looking for me and so
The cops will come and put you in jail
And baby boy this time I won't pay the bail

Signed your ex.

What happened with respect?

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:36:53 UT

"Justin Hawkins said he would sing on the record for a blowjob. So Lexxi sucked his dick." Satchel

Rock Sound issue 124. The magazine I've been reading since early 2005.
I've discovered a lot of awesome bands through this magazine and it's always fun to check out new bands.
Then again there are some overrated bands that don't even diserve to get any fame because their believes are just simply wrong. I'm not much of a hater or a feminist at all, but I can't stand bands who disrespect women or think they will be famous because 13 year olds adore them.

Today I bought my new issue, read almost every interview already and one band stood out.
Between an interview of Suicide Silence and You Me At Six - great bands to be honest - Steel Panther cought my attention. Four old lads who still think they're living in the eighties, with the tight leggings and blown up hair, claim to be the new generation of Mötley Crüe. They are the REAL metal. *Cough*. Can I puke already? Not even talking about their music, about their achievements nor about their record, all they talk about is getting wasted, fucking whores - they put the 'ho' back in 'show business' - Slagging off 50 Cent, Kanye West and Kurt Cobain, giving eachother blowjobs when they can't score a girl and so on. Do I need to say more? This kind of bands can't be called bands at all. They have no style, music or respect. To me Steel Panther are jus a bunch of gay guys who won't admit it and fuck over hookers because they don't have anything else to do and yet call themselves "men". It's a shame people call this music while other - more mature - bands are willing to make a difference. There's a lot of party music out there. This ISN'T one of them.

Another band/hype is Brokencyde - mes excuses brokeNCYDE - Okay their Myspace counter is set on 34 million hits, maybe they check out their own music every day and put it on replay? Or all 12/13 year olds are brainwashed and stalk them 100 times a day.I bet on that last one. Honestly I couldn't give a better review about it than Faye Lewis did in RS. Here you go:
BrokeNCYDE [4] (= 4 out of 10 darlings)
'I'm Not A Fan But The Kids Like It'
Languishing in misogyny while reaping commercial succes, screamo crunksters BrokeNCYDE are upon us like a disease. Digitalised vocals and probing lyrics about sucking dick make for a tedious hour, while "shut up and sit, get on your knees girl suck you bitch!" is just offensive! It's easy to doubt the album's worth, but it's so fantastically dumb, especially 'I'm Sorry', where the idiot savants sing: "Rain drips, the rain drops drip". Mikl may feel that "after we have sex [we'll] probably get attached" but having your ears raped by this shit will only leave a bad taste in your mouth... and probably gonorrhoea.

I'd rather recommend you listening to REAL music, who DO respect others and have a MEANING in their lyrics. I couldn't care less what type wether it's pop, punk, rap, metal.. As long as it isn't Steel Panther, BrokeNCYDE or any other band who act like those fucks.

I love myself and I wanna live.

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 21:24:50 UT

Yeh I know it's a song by the Blackout, who are pretty good y'know, but it's true. At this point I'm happy. I don't know when it started and I can't say when it will end.

At 15 I hit rock bottom as they say. I couldn't fall deeper. Had a majore depression, couldn't care less to eat and had to take pills to make me feel better. This was the hardest thing to do for me taking those pills. I had been down more than once in my life but I always managed to get out of it. On my own. To make a long story short, anyone can survive. Anyone can make it. Just not always on there own. You shouldn't be afraid of asking for help. You shouldn't be scared or dissapointed or even ashamed if you need help. Wether it's professional help or pills.

The past always makes me sad. But when I look at where I stand now, I feel relieved. I'm happy. Because of all those things I know I deserve this. This is my future. Graduating soon, having a car of my own in a few days, maybe even with good luck and some effort getting into college to study Graphic Design. I have amazing friends and family that's always having my back. I know I have a future. And I hope others know they have a future too. Don't be sad because what happened. Be happy that it's over and done. Life starts when you think about how your future can and will be. You only have to believe in it.

Zoë blogt.

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:58:10 UT

What's life about? It's a question we all ask ourselves at some points in our lives. But is there really an answer for it? Is there a reason to live? I know there are reasons to stay alive. I personally live for my friends and family. To make people happy. To be there for them. I don't live for myself. I can't put myself number one. I might give people advice but rarely listen to it myself. I've come to this point in live that I call freedom. 18 years old, seen as adult, taking your own responsibilities and having to vote. Being able to drive a car and drink. For me celebrating 18 isn't for those kind of things. But for the things that will never happen again. Trying to place things that happened in the past yet keeping it close to my heart. How much it might have tore me apart, it made me the person I am today.

Life's not about being the prettiest, smartest, most popular, being the tallest, coolest. It's about finding who you are, what you want and most important what you need. I'm not talking materialism. Because, honestly, does it make your life so much better being the most popular and cutest girl at school when you're too supervicial to see what the "nerd kid" is good at? He has feelings like any other person (I'm not talking about nerdy kids only) everyone should have the right to be treated equally and fair. It doesn't matter what your skincolor is, your religion, wether you're skinny or obese. It's what's inside that makes or breaks a person.

You never know what a person has to deal with in his or her life. Even the kids you'll expect the least might have issues he or she has to deal with. I don't know exactly who I am. What I'm going to do with my life nor when I'm going to find out this stuff. I don't even know why I'm typing this. But I know it's for myself. Just because when I write, even poems, it's to release what's going on inside my mind. The only thing I know is I quit getting hurt by others. It sucks not letting people close to my heart but what's the point at it when you're not sure wether they're going to hurt you in the end? I'm not being pessimistic and hollow. I'm just carefull.

We all have hell and we all have heaven. Some more, some less. It's what makes us human.

Now what is life about?

depths of me.

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:29:29 UT

Because I have nothing else to do due not having a life I'm going to write down a little about me. (:

Basics..
Hair Color: Black
Eyes: Green-ish
Blood Type: O+
Body Type: Skinny
Height: 1m63
Weight: 50kg
Skin: Pale
Status: Single
Occupation: Student
Style: Different influences

Dig a lil' deeper..
Because of my past I don't leave my comfort zone easily. I have a hard time letting people close to my heart. Yet when I do they truly mean the world to me and I love and respect them with all my heart. I'm a citygirl who loves shopping and has the urge of fixing her hair yet I fell in love with the country side and it's calming and delusional sights. Art is a passion for me, I've been drawing since I was a kid, I love art in many different forms such as music, photography, paintings, architecture, bodymodification etc. I'm a really shy person but I can be very hyperactive too. Quite sarcastic character too. Respect me and I'll respect you. I loathe players, closed minded persons, fakes, liars and a lot of other things. Yet I try to make the best of my life and not living in the past like I used to. That only killed me bit by bit and I won't let that happen anymore. It's not worth it. I'm always here to listen. Even if it's all I can do. Even after years of friendship you don't know me. The only persons who do are my mom and my best friend. That'll never change.

Phobias..
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes.
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight (obesity).
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.

happy, more than ever

BREATHINGOUTSUICIDE — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 14:54:51 UT

To discribe the emotions in me that hit
The sun shines brighter than it ever did
The falling rain won't make me feel sad
I took a different path, took another step
Some have ruined the most beautiful view
Now I made a new, more perfect one, without you
Emotions still hit me but not as bad
I won't believe the lies anymore that you once fed
Now I'm not saying I never cared till I got sore
But I'm about to throw away the sad face I once wore
I'm gonna enjoy every damn minute of life
Until death will take me by surprise
Now I'll let the sun shine bright
And enjoy this beautiful, dellusional sight

Written for you, discribed by me
For everything once, that we won't be

D0N'T STEAL 0R I'LL BREAK Y0UR G0DDAMN NECK.
Unless you give credit (aka put my name/link under it)